14. Deal with your period every month and go on with your life like it’s not even happening, no matter how much pain you’re in or discomfort you experience. It’s not an excuse to complain, take off work, or miss school.
16. Eat whatever you want; don’t worry about calorie counting because you owe it to yourself to splurge and be happy.
17. But don’t gain too much weight. Clothes look way better on skinnier women, and there will be plenty more options if you fit into smaller sizes.
18. Embrace your natural beauty; no one likes a woman who’s trying too hard.
20. But live with the insane body image and beauty pressures that our culture places on women.
21. Be happy every time your gender is represented in the media or the government decides to take your personhood into account.
22. Even when this means consuming negative media portrayals of women, no matter how offensive or stereotypical that representation may be.
23. Justify your desire and/or need to make decisions about your own body.
24. Keep up with the guys when you go out to the bars; never order a “girly drink.”
25. But don’t get too drunk, or else you’ll look like a slutty mess and people will take advantage of you.
26. Don’t walk alone at night or go anywhere by yourself.
27. Always tell someone where you’re going, when you leave, who you’re with, and what your general plans are; it’s your job to protect yourself from the possible violence other people can perpetrate against you.
28. Know how to defend yourself against an attacker, since you live in a world where being a woman is a threat in itself.
29. Wearing a short skirt or dress is a recipe for disaster. Don’t look too pretty and attract attention to yourself.
30. Report your assault to the police. You should trust cops to do the right thing even though they say things like, “Women need to stop spreading their legs like peanut butter.”
31. If a guy wants to have sex with you, make sure you very obviously and clearly say “no” because consent laws assume you mean “yes” unless you note otherwise.
32. Enjoy the sex you’re having that’s generally geared toward male pleasure or family planning.
34. If a guy hits on you and you’re not interested, don’t tell him you have a boyfriend.
35. But feel safe living in a world where men don’t take no for an answer unless they think another man is “protecting you.”36. If you didn’t receive a comprehensive sex education, make sure you figure it out; find the tools and resources to teach yourself.
37. Be the right kind of abortion-getter; the kind who has a good enough reason to do it, feels devastated after, and is completely defined by it.
38. Bear the responsibility of having to convince your boss they should pay for your basic health care needs, even though you can’t help the body you were born into.
39. Don’t take nude photos of yourself because if someone else hacks into your public property and releases those photos, it’s all your fault for having taken them.
40. If you want to be well-liked and approachable, make sure not to be confrontational have any opinions or let them be known.
41. Live your life knowing that ultimately everything you do and don’t do should revolve around and lead up to children and marriage.
42. In fact, these two things are absolutely essential and are the entire point of your existence.
43. Don’t wait too long to get married; you don’t want to be an old maid. The younger you are and the quicker you find The One, the more time you’ll have to spend with each other.
44. Don’t be too young when you get married, either. Be prepared to defend your choice to people who don’t treat you like an adult who can make her own decisions.
45. Meet your significant other in college so that you have more in common and better grounds for a long and healthy relationship. After all, why else would you go to an elite, exclusive college?
46. Be careful not to jump into relationships too soon before you know who you are on your own terms. It’s important to be really ready and confident in your own independence before you commit to anyone else.
47. If you want to marry another woman, jump through hoops to feel socially accepted and don’t be surprised if you can’t actually get married in the majority of places in the world.
48. If you get married and change your last name, it’s OK for people to ask you why you did. If you get married and don’t change your last name, it’s OK for people to ask you why you didn’t.
49. Have kids — the earlier the better.
50. If you’re getting older and haven’t had kids yet, freeze your eggs. Best to plan head.
51. Balance your career and motherhood like a pro, even though your male colleagues or partner won’t be expected to do the same.
52. Protect your children at all costs, even if it feels impossible.